real_purp's Journal

ICQ = I See Poo

What would you do if you didnt have porn? ..i know thats a bit of an extreme example but my msn messenger wouldnt work last night and i was gutted. Porn and chat is what the net was built for. The internet is so boring when you cant chat on it. I couldnt deal with this so i decided to install ICQ5. Got it installed and straight away i noticed fecking adverts on the contact list and on the bottom of all messages. This pisses me off more than when you get a girl home and you find out all along it was a wonderbra and shes not how old she says she is .... hypothetical speaking ;-)
Luckily i found a way to remove them (the adverts, not the mini titties on underage girls). Then within five minutes of ICQ being installed i get two unknown users try chatting to me.

Twat #1: Hi
Me: <checks out their user details and there aren't any. Hmmm very sceptical.>
Me: <ignores for 5mins>
Twat #1: Hi
Me: ?
Twat #1: Add me to your contact list
Me: I dont know you
Twat #1: Its important
Me: <what the hell, adds to contact list>
Twat #1: Check out this webpage, great music http://www.fuckingnobbericqspammingurl
Me: GGrrrrrr, you cocking spamming cunty cunt fucker.
Me: <adds to block list>

Three mins later (around the time when i was dribbling over some brunette hotties on boobdex) ...

Twat #2: Hi
Me: <looks up user details. 22 y/o european female, coorrr. Well i couldnt add her to my contact list quick enough. It was quicker than a guy with premature ejaculation in the playboy mansion>
Twat #2: http://www.cantrememberbutitwasapornlink.com
Me: FFS, Id love to rip your head off, shit, piss, and jizz down your throat and then add a union jack on top of it.
Me: <removes from christmas card list>

Well i think ill only be using ICQ in the following emergencies:
1. When i need to tell Cloud a Girls Aloud special is on TMF ;-)
2. When im bored and msn is down.

Today being the first day of lent I'm giving up wanking for the next 40 days and 40 nights (i bet it lasts as long as it takes you to read this blog entry). What are you giving up?

Advertisement